So my house hunting in Mumbai continued. I soon realized, that I was what they called a 'bachelor girl'. Yes, they needed to know my marital status, and then they needed to know why I was wanting to live alone. Why don't you live with your aunt? Why aren't your parents moving here when you have such a good job? Can they come down just to help you get your accommodation?
These were all the questions I used to be asked when speaking to real estate brokers. It came to a point when I actually thought of going back to my old landlord and begging them to let me continue there, even if I was in a sort of prison for the rest of my life! (Read why I call it a prison, my previous blog post: House hunting in Mumbai)
Then I asked a friend at work, how did you find a place? You are a single guy, with a very similar background - from out of town, working as Deputy Manager in the same team as me. How did you find a place? He gave me his estate agent's number and told me to tell him that he had recommended the agent. That's right, he did not recommend me to the agent, he just told me to tell the agent that the agent had been recommended (You should watch Bachelor Girls to understand why I stressed on the fact that I didn't need a letter of recommendation for this agent).
So I gave the agent a call, and he told me to come meet him. He simply told me - 'so you are single and looking for a place in Mumbai. I'm going to be honest, it is tough, cause most societies don't allow single ladies to take a place, especially without room-mates'. So he asked me to think about that option. I didn't think for a minute! Told him, I don't want any room-mate, simply because I want a place where I can be alone! I work all day with people, I need some space to myself and then when my family comes, where are they going to cramp up and stay? So he wrote down my requirements and said he will shortlist places and tell me in a day or two.
I left very hopeful that he will show me good places. I had little more than a month before I had to vacate my old place.
Over the next week, he showed me various houses, in the area all of which looked like they would crumble with even the slightest of breeze!
I finally asked him, don't you have any accommodations in places like my friend's building - the one who recommended you? He laughed and said 'madam alag hai na, woh gents the, aap bachelor ladies ho' (madam it's different, he was a guy, you are a single girl). I can never forget that line! He quite honestly and in a matter-of-fact manner reminded me that I couldn't find a place as easily because of my gender. I really wished at that moment that I was married or was a boy. Those seemed to be the only two options to find a good place to stay in Mumbai!
He clearly saw the disappointment on my face and told me to give him a few more days. Said I will find something good for you, don't worry.
True to his word, he found a place, quite to my liking. I finalized it, My mom insisted that I take my aunt and uncle at least when signing the papers because she didn't want the estate agents thinking I was alone and end up fleecing me. I agreed, because I didn't want them thinking I had cut them off! I hadn't, but I knew somewhere inside they were upset as to why I wasn't taking their help to find a place again. So I figured, if this can help cover that hurt, it's fine.
We, my aunt & uncle, my friend (who's a biker girl, again not a norm in Mumbai) and me, went to sign the papers. The landlord (who lived in the floor below the one I was finalizing) then told me, no boys allowed. My and my friend looked at each other in shock. Cause we were a gang of 4 - 2 boys and 2 girls! So no boys means we couldn't have all met together at my house!
Then he went on to say, 'sirf chacha ka beta aa sakta hai, mamma/masi aur bua ka beta allowed nai hai' (only your father's brother's son can come, your mother's brother/sister's son or your father's sister's son is not allowed). I immediately went out and told my aunt that if I take that place, her son would not be allowed there. So we just politely said we will see and take more time to think and then get back to them.
When we left, the broker called me and I told him, my father's brother doesn't have any sons! All my cousin brothers are from the relations he just told me can't come into that house! So forget my friends, my own cousins can't come there!
The agent tried to give me ways out - they won't notice, not like your cousins will be there all the time etc.
I then explained to him that I want complete freedom in my house. I don't want to worry about someone seeing and threatening to throw me out. So he asked me, are you planning to do a live-in? I asked him what that had to do with anything. He explained that then he would try and find a place where that would not be a problem. So I told him I need a place where I can live-in with my boyfriend!
The next day he showed me 3 swanky nice places, but all a bit over my budget. So I told him, perfect place, now find something like this in my budget! Sure enough 2 days later he called me to rush from my workplace to the unit he wanted to show me - saying its new and I would be the first to see it, but it was likely to get booked really fast!
So I told my friend and we rushed. We both fell in love with the place. But this place was right behind the one I had recently rejected due to boys not being allowed etc. So I again checked. He said it will not be a problem here, because the complex is the same, but this building resident association was different, and it had a lot of bachelors already.
So I took it. My landlord there was really nice! He told me straight up, I always prefer giving it to girls, single or married, but if a girl is looking I always prefer that. He himself had a daughter, probably a little younger than me. Maybe that's why he thought this way. He was an amazing landlord! Never interfered in what I did, was happy that I had my friends over (guys and girls). In fact, the next year, he asked me if I could renew my lease for 3 years straight. Without a second thought I agreed!
House hunting in Mumbai was a nightmare, one that I never again wanted to relive!
Honestly, I was lucky, I got an agent who in his own way was able to help with my requirements and helped me understand the real estate lingo for finding accommodation for single women who didn't want to live in a hostel or with room-mates.
It's due to this reason, people say, in India, it's easier to be gay/lesbian than straight. People have no issues with women meeting other women or living with other women (of course without telling them that you are a bi-sexual or lesbian), but if they want to live/meet a guy, there will be a hundred eye-brows raised!
How can our country expect women to become equal to men, if this basic necessity is not at par?
I hope and pray that things change, and all those who believe single women are 'dangerous', I'm simply going to say yes, we are dangerous - hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!
These were all the questions I used to be asked when speaking to real estate brokers. It came to a point when I actually thought of going back to my old landlord and begging them to let me continue there, even if I was in a sort of prison for the rest of my life! (Read why I call it a prison, my previous blog post: House hunting in Mumbai)
Then I asked a friend at work, how did you find a place? You are a single guy, with a very similar background - from out of town, working as Deputy Manager in the same team as me. How did you find a place? He gave me his estate agent's number and told me to tell him that he had recommended the agent. That's right, he did not recommend me to the agent, he just told me to tell the agent that the agent had been recommended (You should watch Bachelor Girls to understand why I stressed on the fact that I didn't need a letter of recommendation for this agent).
So I gave the agent a call, and he told me to come meet him. He simply told me - 'so you are single and looking for a place in Mumbai. I'm going to be honest, it is tough, cause most societies don't allow single ladies to take a place, especially without room-mates'. So he asked me to think about that option. I didn't think for a minute! Told him, I don't want any room-mate, simply because I want a place where I can be alone! I work all day with people, I need some space to myself and then when my family comes, where are they going to cramp up and stay? So he wrote down my requirements and said he will shortlist places and tell me in a day or two.
I left very hopeful that he will show me good places. I had little more than a month before I had to vacate my old place.
Over the next week, he showed me various houses, in the area all of which looked like they would crumble with even the slightest of breeze!
I finally asked him, don't you have any accommodations in places like my friend's building - the one who recommended you? He laughed and said 'madam alag hai na, woh gents the, aap bachelor ladies ho' (madam it's different, he was a guy, you are a single girl). I can never forget that line! He quite honestly and in a matter-of-fact manner reminded me that I couldn't find a place as easily because of my gender. I really wished at that moment that I was married or was a boy. Those seemed to be the only two options to find a good place to stay in Mumbai!
He clearly saw the disappointment on my face and told me to give him a few more days. Said I will find something good for you, don't worry.
True to his word, he found a place, quite to my liking. I finalized it, My mom insisted that I take my aunt and uncle at least when signing the papers because she didn't want the estate agents thinking I was alone and end up fleecing me. I agreed, because I didn't want them thinking I had cut them off! I hadn't, but I knew somewhere inside they were upset as to why I wasn't taking their help to find a place again. So I figured, if this can help cover that hurt, it's fine.
We, my aunt & uncle, my friend (who's a biker girl, again not a norm in Mumbai) and me, went to sign the papers. The landlord (who lived in the floor below the one I was finalizing) then told me, no boys allowed. My and my friend looked at each other in shock. Cause we were a gang of 4 - 2 boys and 2 girls! So no boys means we couldn't have all met together at my house!
Then he went on to say, 'sirf chacha ka beta aa sakta hai, mamma/masi aur bua ka beta allowed nai hai' (only your father's brother's son can come, your mother's brother/sister's son or your father's sister's son is not allowed). I immediately went out and told my aunt that if I take that place, her son would not be allowed there. So we just politely said we will see and take more time to think and then get back to them.
When we left, the broker called me and I told him, my father's brother doesn't have any sons! All my cousin brothers are from the relations he just told me can't come into that house! So forget my friends, my own cousins can't come there!
The agent tried to give me ways out - they won't notice, not like your cousins will be there all the time etc.
I then explained to him that I want complete freedom in my house. I don't want to worry about someone seeing and threatening to throw me out. So he asked me, are you planning to do a live-in? I asked him what that had to do with anything. He explained that then he would try and find a place where that would not be a problem. So I told him I need a place where I can live-in with my boyfriend!
The next day he showed me 3 swanky nice places, but all a bit over my budget. So I told him, perfect place, now find something like this in my budget! Sure enough 2 days later he called me to rush from my workplace to the unit he wanted to show me - saying its new and I would be the first to see it, but it was likely to get booked really fast!
So I told my friend and we rushed. We both fell in love with the place. But this place was right behind the one I had recently rejected due to boys not being allowed etc. So I again checked. He said it will not be a problem here, because the complex is the same, but this building resident association was different, and it had a lot of bachelors already.
So I took it. My landlord there was really nice! He told me straight up, I always prefer giving it to girls, single or married, but if a girl is looking I always prefer that. He himself had a daughter, probably a little younger than me. Maybe that's why he thought this way. He was an amazing landlord! Never interfered in what I did, was happy that I had my friends over (guys and girls). In fact, the next year, he asked me if I could renew my lease for 3 years straight. Without a second thought I agreed!
House hunting in Mumbai was a nightmare, one that I never again wanted to relive!
Honestly, I was lucky, I got an agent who in his own way was able to help with my requirements and helped me understand the real estate lingo for finding accommodation for single women who didn't want to live in a hostel or with room-mates.
It's due to this reason, people say, in India, it's easier to be gay/lesbian than straight. People have no issues with women meeting other women or living with other women (of course without telling them that you are a bi-sexual or lesbian), but if they want to live/meet a guy, there will be a hundred eye-brows raised!
How can our country expect women to become equal to men, if this basic necessity is not at par?
I hope and pray that things change, and all those who believe single women are 'dangerous', I'm simply going to say yes, we are dangerous - hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!
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