House h(a)unting in Mumbai... contd..

So my house hunting in Mumbai continued. I soon realized, that I was what they called a 'bachelor girl'. Yes, they needed to know my marital status, and then they needed to know why I was wanting to live alone. Why don't you live with your aunt? Why aren't your parents moving here when you have such a good job? Can they come down just to help you get your accommodation?

These were all the questions I used to be asked when speaking to real estate brokers. It came to a point when I actually thought of going back to my old landlord and begging them to let me continue there, even if I was in a sort of prison for the rest of my life! (Read why I call it a prison, my previous blog post: House hunting in Mumbai)

Then I asked a friend at work, how did you find a place? You are a single guy, with a very similar background - from out of town, working as Deputy Manager in the same team as me. How did you find a place? He gave me his estate agent's number and told me to tell him that he had recommended the agent. That's right, he did not recommend me to the agent, he just told me to tell the agent that the agent had been recommended (You should watch Bachelor Girls to understand why I stressed on the fact that I didn't need a letter of recommendation for this agent).

So I gave the agent a call, and he told me to come meet him. He simply told me - 'so you are single and looking for a place in Mumbai. I'm going to be honest, it is tough, cause most societies don't allow single ladies to take a place, especially without room-mates'. So he asked me to think about that option. I didn't think for a minute! Told him, I don't want any room-mate, simply because I want a place where I can be alone! I work all day with people, I need some space to myself and then when my family comes, where are they going to cramp up and stay? So he wrote down my requirements and said he will shortlist places and tell me in a day or two.

I left very hopeful that he will show me good places. I had little more than a month before I had to vacate my old place.

Over the next week, he showed me various houses, in the area all of which looked like they would crumble with even the slightest of breeze!

I finally asked him, don't you have any accommodations in places like my friend's building - the one who recommended you? He laughed and said 'madam alag hai na, woh gents the, aap bachelor ladies ho' (madam it's different, he was a guy, you are a single girl). I can never forget that line! He quite honestly and in a matter-of-fact manner reminded me that I couldn't find a place as easily because of my gender. I really wished at that moment that I was married or was a boy. Those seemed to be the only two options to find a good place to stay in Mumbai!

He clearly saw the disappointment on my face and told me to give him a few more days. Said I will find something good for you, don't worry.

True to his word, he found a place, quite to my liking. I finalized it, My mom insisted that I take my aunt and uncle at least when signing the papers because she didn't want the estate agents thinking I was alone and end up fleecing me. I agreed, because I didn't want them thinking I had cut them off! I hadn't, but I knew somewhere inside they were upset as to why I wasn't taking their help to find a place again. So I figured, if this can help cover that hurt, it's fine.

We, my aunt & uncle, my friend (who's a biker girl, again not a norm in Mumbai) and me, went to sign the papers. The landlord (who lived in the floor below the one I was finalizing) then told me, no boys allowed. My and my friend looked at each other in shock. Cause we were a gang of 4 - 2 boys and 2 girls! So no boys means we couldn't have all met together at my house!

Then he went on to say, 'sirf chacha ka beta aa sakta hai, mamma/masi aur bua ka beta allowed nai hai' (only your father's brother's son can come, your mother's brother/sister's son or your father's sister's son is not allowed). I immediately went out and told my aunt that if I take that place, her son would not be allowed there. So we just politely said we will see and take more time to think and then get back to them.

When we left, the broker called me and I told him, my father's brother doesn't have any sons! All my cousin brothers are from the relations he just told me can't come into that house! So forget my friends, my own cousins can't come there!

The agent tried to give me ways out - they won't notice, not like your cousins will be there all the time etc.

I then explained to him that I want complete freedom in my house. I don't want to worry about someone seeing and threatening to throw me out. So he asked me, are you planning to do a live-in? I asked him what that had to do with anything. He explained that then he would try and find a place where that would not be a problem. So I told him I need a place where I can live-in with my boyfriend!

The next day he showed me 3 swanky nice places, but all a bit over my budget. So I told him, perfect place, now find something like this in my budget! Sure enough 2 days later he called me to rush from my workplace to the unit he wanted to show me - saying its new and I would be the first to see it, but it was likely to get booked really fast!

So I told my friend and we rushed. We both fell in love with the place. But this place was right behind the one I had recently rejected due to boys not being allowed etc. So I again checked. He said it will not be a problem here, because the complex is the same, but this building resident association was different, and it had a lot of bachelors already.

So I took it. My landlord there was really nice! He told me straight up, I always prefer giving it to girls, single or married, but if a girl is looking I always prefer that. He himself had a daughter, probably a little younger than me. Maybe that's why he thought this way. He was an amazing landlord! Never interfered in what I did, was happy that I had my friends over (guys and girls). In fact, the next year, he asked me if I could renew my lease for 3 years straight. Without a second thought I agreed!

House hunting in Mumbai was a nightmare, one that I never again wanted to relive!

Honestly, I was lucky, I got an agent who in his own way was able to help with my requirements and helped me understand the real estate lingo for finding accommodation for single women who didn't want to live in a hostel or with room-mates.

It's due to this reason, people say, in India, it's easier to be gay/lesbian than straight. People have no issues with women meeting other women or living with other women (of course without telling them that you are a bi-sexual or lesbian), but if they want to live/meet a guy, there will be a hundred eye-brows raised!

How can our country expect women to become equal to men, if this basic necessity is not at par?

I hope and pray that things change, and all those who believe single women are 'dangerous', I'm simply going to say yes, we are dangerous - hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!

House h(a)unting in Mumbai...

Today must have been a usual Wednesday afternoon for most folks. It was slightly different for me, since I hadn't gone to work. So I decided to watch a documentary instead of a movie while having lunch.

On Netflix, there are a number of documentaries, one of them in particular stood out - Bachelor Girls. Reading the summary, I knew it was about single girls in Mumbai trying to find accommodation. The first thought in my mind was 'been there, done that, let's give this a miss'. Then for some reason, I decided to watch it. Kind of glad I did, cause it gave me major throwback to some years ago when I was in that situation.

I decided to share my story today, simply because things need to change. If you want 'women empowerment', and 'equality at the workplace', it needs to start with the basics. So here goes...

In November 2012, I moved to Mumbai, my mother's city, after landing a job with one of the fastest growing financial groups in India. When I moved, my mom wanted me to live with her sister. I insisted that I wanted my own place and my father and sister supported me!

I stayed with my aunt for about a month or 2 and then decided to 'fly from the nest'. Of course since it was my first accommodation, on my own, living alone, in a big city, everyone jumped on-board to help make sure I had a 'safe' and 'known' place to move into. One of my aunt and uncle's friend was a real estate agent and he helped me find a place which was a 10 minutes walk from their house.

My parents were a bit at ease that I was near enough to them that if needed I had help nearby. I agreed. So In January 2013, I moved into my own place.

Having my own place was fun. Living in a city on my own was even more fun. My weekends were spent either with my friends or with my cousins and my house had become the 'adda' house or the place to hang out - especially for me and my then best friend (who was a guy). So since February, I would often have either my friends, or my cousins over. In May, we decided to have a cousins meet-up at my place because my sister had come down from Delhi.

My cousin brother, who is a well known doctor in the area, had parked his car inside our complex (he had done this countless times before). The watchman (an old man, who was always high on something) came up and told us it is not allowed (first time in 5 months he decided to come tell us that). He said he wanted Rs. 100 to let the matter go. I was going to just give it to him so the matter ends there, but my brother reminded me that it is basically him bribing us for something that wasn't even against the rules or anything. So we decided not to give in and told him to go tell whoever he had to. My cousin knew many people in the building so was sure it wouldn't become an issue.

Sure enough, that never became an issue. But my landlord did reach out to me. He said 'the guard has told me you keep having friends over, in particular a man..' I cut him off and said 'yes, I do have friends over, but recently, I've only had my cousins over'. He ended the conversation by telling me to just inform him about the next time I have any friend over.

Personally I felt it was a violation of my privacy, but I didn't bring up the topic with any of my family members who helped me get the house, simply because I felt I didn't want to hurt them with such a trivial issue.

Unfortunately, a couple of days later, my grandmother passed away. I was out of town for around a week. When I came back, I decided to try and not have friends over, simply because I didn't like the idea of having to constantly tell someone about every move I made. I was 26 years old and working as a Deputy Manager - I shouldn't have had to tell a stranger about who I chose to meet in my house.

I still did it a few times (twice). The third time, my landlord came to the house and asked me - you have a man in the house. I was quite shocked. I told him I have already told you about my friend being here. He just simply told me 'this is not your house, if you want to do such things, you need to leave this place. Give me your notice and go. I can otherwise take it up with the broker who connected me to your aunt and uncle and you'.

I had had enough. I told him ok, my lease is over at the end of November so if you want, I can move out then, or I will move out before then - you decide and let me know. He told me I could stay till November. But I decided to start house-hunting nonetheless.

A couple of days later, when I was in office, I got a call from my cousin brother, asking me about this incident. I told him what happened - explained to him that they only reason this whole thing has come up now, is because we didn't pay the guard that Rs. 100. Until that time, my 'friend' used to come to my place at least 2-3 times a week and stay over. But after that incident, he hardly came like 1-2 times a month. Yet this was brought to light then, and not before.

My cousin's major concern was about our family reputation and about what society would say especially if my aunt and uncle found out. I told him not to worry and that if anyone did find out I would explain things to them, and I am sure they will see sense in it simply because I hadn't committed a crime!

News travels, so soon another cousin of mine called me to tell me that I should tell my parents and my aunt and the whole world simply to avoid any problems. I simply said, if I need to ever tell them I will, but I don't think this is any of their concern.

Don't get me wrong, I love my cousins to death, but in some things, I guess we don't (or didn't) see eye-to-eye.

I said to myself: I am an adult and can handle this myself. I'm not a school girl who needs to tell her mummy and daddy about something that has happened, before the teacher tells them.

That day I decided, never again involving family members to help me with such things, at least in India. I was angry, and upset and felt really alone. I then turned to my friends, many of whom were bachelors and had found accommodation for themselves. One of them helped me with a real estate agent's number and I started taking one of my other friends to see the places with me.

My mom often asked me, why not just go back to the estate agent who helped you get the first house. I said, cause I don't want people spying on me or keeping a check on every move I made!

I often wonder, what are we teaching our next generation, it is ok to have girls over, and not guys? And then we talk about gender equality? How? I have always had closer guy friends than girl friends - so that means I could never have friends at my place.

I soon realized this was true unless you told your broker very personal details about your life, or maybe lied about it! More about that in my next post!

False Alarm

I was walking back after meeting friends when I saw a fire truck parked outside the building. My first thought was oh no - something's happened! I couldn't see any smoke - but you never know.

I walked into the building and saw a lot of people hanging about. So I decided to ask one of them about the incident.

There was a false alarm on the 2nd floor, so the fire department was called in automatically. Now, after the situation had been assessed, the alarm needed to be re-set. Untill that was done, the elevators wouldn't work.

So I waited for a few minutes. Then some more people came in. Then concierge then mentioned to them that he had no idea how long it would take to get the alarm re-set. He suggested we all take the stairs.

26 floors - maybe a few short of. Say around 22-23 floors. That's how much I was about to walk up. As I was walking up, I wondered - the place I've taken is 21 floors up - if this happens there, what then?

All because of a False Alarm (honestly, I am extremely glad it was a False Alarm).

Canada...

So I've been preparing to move to Canada for the last 2 months (or maybe more)... although I must admit, I don't yet feel like I am. The excitement of it happening seems to be over-shadowing the 'anxiety' of it happening! There are mixed emotions - the thought of leaving life as you know it and starting out in a place where you haven't even been a tourist, is scary, exciting and a little weird!

In my previous post, I mentioned that I would write a bit about the process in my next post - which as it seems is this one. I am not going to go into the details of the process (honestly, that's available on every second blog and video). I am simply going to go through the emotional journey.

I had started the process last year, in October. I must admit, I had signed up with an agency. Although to be honest, in hind-sight I think that was a bad decision - not because the agency was bad - simply because I underestimated myself. I assumed I may have scored fewer points (CRS Score) and therefore I would need to apply through PNP (provincial nominations). But that wasn't the case. I sailed through with the score I got.

The excitement of starting the process soon turned into frustration due to the time taken at each step. I should add, frustration, excitement, and various other emotions were all fighting for the top spot! I got my ECA on 23rd March, and then it was one thing after another - creating my profile, submitting it, getting the ITA and then collecting all the required documents and actually submitting my application for Permanent Residency - everything was done by 6th April!

Come to think of it, that was an extremely stressful time - and I don't mean just for me. I'll bet it was just as stressful for my friends and family who were literally being driven mad by me during the process. After submitting my application, it was an agonizing waiting game!

By June end, I was under the impression that probably my application was being rejected. But that thought was soon put out by some amazing friends! On 26th July, I got my PPR (request to submit my passport to get the One-time entry Visa stamped)! I was excited and of course super happy!

The thought that I am leaving a life behind and literally starting afresh didn't seem to come to mind till my farewell parties started. Leaving Bombay was difficult, to say the least, but then again, I knew many of them were on their way to move to the other side of the Globe as well.

Moving continents turned out to be tougher than I thought!

Getting ready for something big!

I've been wanting to move overseas for a while now! Bitten by the 'NRI' bug! What's made it stronger is the fact that mom and dad are living overseas as well. The trip to London this year gave me the extra push!

For the last 2 years I have been thinking about how to move abroad. First I tried the more sensible route - look for a job overseas and move. But then again, that was more difficult especially given my own fuss about where I wanted to move. There were just 3 countries in the running - U.K., Canada and Australia.

U.K. was always the front-runner! Moving to the U.K., however proved to be more difficult given the whole 'Must be eligible to work in the E.U.' condition. Therefore, despite studying in the country, many of us couldn't stay back and work in the country. That didn't dampen my spirits (okay, it did a little!).

After realizing that siting in one country and finding jobs in another wasn't exactly as easy as I thought, I decided to use the 'easier option' - get a P.R. and then find a job in my new home country!

I decided to apply for P.R. to Canada - simply because I had heard the the country is the right mix between the U.S. and U.K. There were several other reasons to select the migrating to the country (in case you are interested, you can check some videos on YouTube.

The P.R. process to move to Canada is easy, especially if you enroll through the Express Entry Program - but more about that in my next post! 

Help Needed for Kashmir Flood Victims

I am sure we all are aware of the tragedy people of Jammu and Kashmir is going through. I humbly request you to please join hands with my friend, Inayat, in giving whatever little support we can in making some difference. 

Inayat is trying to work closely with Jammu and Kashmir house under the able guidance of Ms. Nayeema Ahmad Mahjoor. 

Following is the list of items required by them (last updated on 13th September Morning)

Drugs in short supply:
Inhalers
Anti Cold Medications
Paediatric Ofloxin OZ
Sinarest Pd Syp
Xcold Plus Tab
Co Amoxyclave (In Bulk)
Arythromycin Tab
Tab Roxythromycin
Sphexum Tab
Losar Tan Tab
Losar Tan H Tab
Metoprol 50 Mg
Asprin
Ciopatab (Clopitab Grel)
Phenly / Disinfectants
Diapers 
Baby Food
Insulin
Masks (In Bulk)
Detol Soap Hand Wash 
Sanitiser
Clorhehidin Mouth Wash Small Bottles
Ointmnet Silverex
Inj Diazepam

Medicine list for children
Syp Norflox Oz 2.5ml
Syp Xpct P D 2.5 Ml
Syp Paracetmol125 5 Ml
Syp Augmentin Duos 5 Ml
Syp Donitel 2.5 Ml
Ointment Herpex
Tab Citrizine
Candid Powder

The above list was specially given by them. Request you to please make as much contribution as possible in that segment.  

In addition we are also looking for some support both monetary and in kind. 

Support in kind:

People in the valley are running short of food supplies. Help is pouring from all over India but it is still not adequate enough to cater to the needs of the people. There was a video clip shown where a girl child had no water to drink for three long days !!!

General List of such items:

Mineral Water Bottles
Pulses
Rajma
Wheat Flour
Baby Food
Milk Powder
Any type of dry food
If you want to donate any item or items mentioned above then please let me know. 

If you are in Delhi:

Then please call Inayat (number mentioned below) or comment on this post.  I can coordinate with you. 

If you are from any other part of India:

There are various centers which he has tied up with. Please call him or comment on this post. I can organize things accordingly. 

Monetary Support:

In case you want to send in your help in terms of cash then you can do so by sending a crossed cheque in the name of "Umeed Trust". Umeed Trust is an NGO which is working on providing relief to people in on ground zero. The cheques can be dropped to any nearest Jammu and Kashmir Bank. A/C Type: Current Deposit A/C Number: 166. If required you can coordinate with Inayat and he can have the cheques picked up. 

In case you want to make an online transfer bank details are as follows:

Account Name: Umeed Trust
Bank: Jammu & Kashmir Bank
Account Type: Current Deposit
Account Number: 1112010100000166
IFSC: JAKA0POLOVW

If you are making a monetary contribution please do let Inayat know so that he can inform the authorities about it.

Inayat Ullah Khan
Phone: +91-9999679100
Facebook: www.fb.com/inayat.u.khan
Twitter: @inayatukhan
Skype: iullahkhan

Perception... Worth a Read

I got this message on Whatsapp; found it interesting so thought of keeping it... And sharing it...

Grand Conversation between twins inside the
womb:
Baby 1: And you, you believe in life after
birth?
Baby 2: Absolutely. It’s obvious that life after
birth exist. We are here to become stronger
and to get ready for Whatever awaits us next.
Baby 1: This is absurd. There is nothing after
birth! What would life look like outside the
womb?
Baby 2: Well, there are many stories about the
other side. I’ve heard there is a blaze of light
there, an intense and profound feeling of joy
with deep emotions, thousands of things to
live for… For example, I’ve heard that we’ll
eat with our mouth, there.
Baby 1: That's silly. We have an umbilical cord
and that is how we eat. Everyone knows that
we don’t use our mouth to eat! And, on the
top of it, no one has ever come back from the
other world… Those stories are all coming
from naïve people. Life just ends at birth.
Period. That’s the way it is and we must
accept it.
Baby 2: Alright, then allow me to think
differently. That's for sure, I have no idea
what life after birth looks like, and I can’t
prove anything to you. But I like to believe,
that in the next world, we’ll be able to see our
mother and that she will take care of us.
Baby 1: “Mother”? You mean that you believe
in ‘Mother’? Oh! So where is she?
Baby 2: Everywhere, don’t you see it! She is
everywhere, all around us. We are part of her
and it's thanks to her that we are living right
now. Without her, we wouldn’t be here.
Baby 1: This is ridiculous! I’ve never seen any
mother so it’s obvious that she doesn’t exist.
Baby 2: I don’t agree, that’s your way of
seeing things. Because sometimes when
everything quiets down a little bit, we can hear
her sing. We can feel her hugging our world.
I’m pretty sure that our life will start after
birth.
Read it a second time by changing some
words....

Change the word
BIRTH to DEATH
WOMB to WORLD
MOTHER to GOD...
you will find a mystery unveiling...